As I walk up my stairs, I pick up papers, dirty socks, and sprunky action figures along the way. I can’t help but think about how behind I feel in motherhood.
You are 37 now, with five smart and responsible children—you should not still be picking up the same things you complain about every single day.
Halfway up the stairs, I stop at the landing overlooking my kitchen.
Dishes overflow the sink. Snack wrappers cover the island like they’re the new décor. Every meal looks like it ended in a food fight I didn’t attend.
“Oh great,” I think. Another day of deep cleaning my kitchen.
Some days, the chaos is so overwhelming that avoidance feels like my only form of sanity. I’ll pretend I didn’t see it. I’ll walk away. I’ll deal with it later.
But then the guilt creeps in.
What kind of mother does that make me?
What kind of person?
What kind of role model?
Not a good one.
Or so I tell myself.
That’s when it hits me—these expectations are delusional.
Perfectionism has had a tight grip on my psyche, and some days it refuses to let go.
Later, sitting at my desk, I start making a list of everything I think is “wrong” in my household:
- The mess
- The noise
- The constant cleanup
- The fact that it never feels finished
Then I add a second column:
Is this actually a problem… or just an expectation I need to release?
Because maybe the issue isn’t that I’m failing.
Maybe the issue is that I thought motherhood eventually came with a finish line.
I thought by now the house would stay clean.
That the kids would outgrow messes.
That I’d feel caught up, calm, and confident.
Instead, I’m still picking things up.
Still tired.
Still wondering if I’m doing this right.
And maybe that doesn’t mean I’m behind.
Maybe it just means I showed up again today.
If you also thought you’d have more figured out by now—welcome.
Apparently, still standing counts as progress.
Tell me I’m not alone—what’s one thing you thought you’d have figured out by now?
I send weekly emails for moms held together by caffeine and hope—sign up if that’s you.
Leave a Reply